How To Help Your Child Learn To Read

 

 

What to say to your child

If your child is not learning well at school it's better to act sooner rather than later. The longer it goes on the more difficult things are likely to become.

So how do you know if your child is not learning well?

Some classic warning signs are:

    * Reluctance to go to school
    * Reluctance to talk about school
    * Inability to tell you what he's learned
    * Reluctance to do any homework
    * Reluctance to read or write
    * The teacher asks to see you to discuss your child's learning (this isn't always a warning sign...most teachers like to share successes too)

Possible reasons why your child is reluctant:

    * Being bullied. If so, your child will be focusing on that and not focusing on learning.
    * Feeling inadequate. If so, the teaching and learning program may be at a higher level than they can relate to in some or all areas.
    * Lacking motivation. If so, the teaching and learning program may not present appropriate challenge. It could be too much or too little.

Sometimes there aren't any warning signs and you get a terrible report out of the blue. This may be either a more or less accurate judgement than you've had in the past. A bad report should never be a surprise, however. Any quality school will have a policy about communicating with parents about learning issues as they arise.

What to do if you notice any of the warning signs or get a shocking report out of the blue:

Firstly, talk with your child. But wait till you're feeling calm before you do this. If you start a conversation about his learning/schoolwork while you're feeling angry or upset you won't get very far. It will probably seem like a problem your child has or a problem between your child and school but, actually, you are key person in negotiating a solution. High quality communication with everyone involved will give high quality results. Give yourself a day or two to calm down if you need to. It will be worth the wait.

Picture how you'll come across to your child. Think about how it feels when someone you care about isn't happy with your performance? Reflect on the best way someone has chosen to tell you that you're not performing very well in something. I bet it wasn't when they were in a highly emotional state.

When a person communicates through a negative emotion, eg anger or anxiety, the response is likely to be negative too...eg anger, hostility, crying, withdrawal, complete shutdown. 

It's very likely that your child doesn't really know what the problem is, eg why he can't write better, or can't work out maths problems. After all, teachers study for years at uni to become professionals in teaching and learning, but that doesn't guarantee that every student's needs are understood and met. Can every child know exactly what he needs?

But your child can tell you his side of the story, especially how he feels during the activities he's not performing well in, and why he feels like that.

He may be used to hiding problems, fearing a negative reaction, but probably secretly longing for help because he wants to succeed just like everyone else.

So to help, you must stay calm and build his trust in your calmness. Be serious but not heavy. Don't make any threats. After you've talked together, the only promise to make is that you will help.

Fear of the teacher...

Your child will probably not want you to talk to the teacher. This is because it's going to be about his 'less than desirable' performance, something he'd prefer to hide. He won't want it brought to the surface, fearing he'll be further exposed, receive more negative comments, extra work, scorn from peers etc. He also may believe it won't make any difference, that he has an insurmountable problem. His self-esteem may be low and he won't want any more knocks.

However, when you've talked with your child and promised you will help, the first step is to talk with the teacher.
 

Organising a meeting with the teacher

You may feel a bit unnerved about approaching the teacher. Many parents do. It can be a fear of feeling somehow inadequate or powerless, perhaps a legacy from your own schooldays. Sometimes it's more a fear of being considered too 'pushy' as a parent. It can also be a fear of questioning the teacher's performance or that there may be negative repercussions for your child. Consequently, many parents only approach a teacher when they are pushed to extremes and/or when they are extremely upset.

As a teacher myself, I can say that all the teachers I know ARE very happy to meet with parents. We DO care very much about all our students and we DO want to work with you. What we don't want (because it's unproductive) is an ugly confrontation as the result of pent-up frustration that has suddenly exploded.

If an overwrought parent suddenly appears in your classroom your first instinct, as a teacher, is to calm the situation down in order to protect the kids in your class. You are not going to have time to discuss an issue right there and then, and so you attempt to find out quickly what the concern is and set up a meeting at a more convenient time.

The best approach for you, as a parent, is to send or hand a note to the teacher, asking to arrange a meeting at a convenient time. State the nature of your concerns and your willingness to help, eg 'I'd like to have a chat with you to find out how I can help with Chloe's maths. She seems to be having quite a few problems.'

This approach is great in four ways:

    * It tells the teacher that you're going to deal with the situation calmly
    * It tells the teacher that you're interested in specifics about your child's learning
    * It tells the teacher that you're willing to help (What did you promise your child?)
    * It tells the teacher the nature of your concern so they can prepare for the meeting appropriately

Expect to hear back quickly and have a meeting within a day or two.
 

Wear something appropriate for a meeting with a professional and be on time. The teacher may be talking to someone who's just turned up but you can expect that he'll end that conversation quickly so he can meet with you as arranged.
 

How to start the meeting

Say something positive to start with. Teachers like compliments just like everyone else! Notice something attractive, clever or interesting that's happening in the classroom, or say something positive about your child and school. Then say something like

'I wanted to have a chat with you because I've been worrying about....'

How to get great results from your meeting...Read more